New King of England
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9 Year old Eric Spotted Tail of Rosebud has drawn a magic sword from a nearby stone. Historians have no idea how Excalibur ended up on the Rosebud Reservation, saying today’s events “raise many extremely confusing questions about our understanding of history.” They have, however, confirmed the authenticity of the sword as “we can’t think of a lot of other literal magic singing swords. It’s a big day of firsts and new life experiences.” Authorities at the United Kingdom consulate in Chicago upon being informed of these developments said, “Oh thank god. When can he start? Seriously, we can have Buckingham cleared out for him by Wednesday.”

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