Casualties Continue to Mount in Burger Battle

Casualties continue to mount in Sioux Falls from the ongoing 7th Annual Downtown Burger Battle. Latest reports indicate:
2,000 New Years’ resolutions dead.
3,200 Diets injured.
These are some of the worst losses since Aberdeen’s 20012 Chislick Skirmish and the catastrophic losses suffered in the great a Rapid City Prime Rib Genocide of 1999.
Our condolences to all families affected.