Hy-Vee to offer Shoes!

As Our civilization slowly collapses this summer due in no fault to our glorious leadership, peasants will need distractions from the deaths of friends and family this summer and Hy-Vee has the answer. Shoes!

“Shoes are a versatile item to offer in these disruptive times.” Said Hy-Vee spokesperson Bob Nobel. “As our nations food supplies slowly dwindle we’ll need to find new items to sell that the various survivors and scavengers will find useful. We know people will be very hungry but we can’t actually recommend boiling leather shoes for food as the chemicals used in modern tanning would make them toxic and possibly deadly to eat. We can’t do all of the viruses work for it. But with a good pair of walking shoes a family might be able to flee to Canada as refugees before winter sets in. Also, running from cannibal groups that will form by this fall will definitely require some good shoes 👞 “