Urging residents to stay in their homes and away from medical facilities, Governor Noem locked down South Dakota Friday after the spread of Covid vaccinations got out of hand. “With inoculation numbers skyrocketing across the Rushmore State, I have been forced the take the extreme measure of locking South Dakota down to combat the vaccine spread,” said Noem, explaining that until CDC data shows a sustained drop in the vaccination rate, all pharmacies and clinics would be mandated to close. “I cannot stress enough the importance of wearing bicep coverings to protect yourself from Covid vaccines. Because if gone unchecked, the Moderna and Pfizer vaccine variants could end up saving the lives of thousands of South Dakotans. So, please be on your guard.” At press time, Noem was encouraged by new evidence confirming that South Dakota’s life expectancy was steadily dropping.