Well well well, the plot thickens. If this were a Bingo game in a retirement home, we’d all be yelling “Bingo!” right now, startling the cat in the corner. Donald Trump, your friendly neighborhood billionaire and former reality TV president, just had his supposed “appraiser” turn him over to the dark side. And by “dark side,” we mean the Big Apple itself. This is more drama than a soap opera reunion special, folks.
Let’s take a stroll down memory lane. It begins with Trump parading around the city like a peacock, presumably enjoying the smell of hot dogs and the sound of taxis honking, while his faithful “appraiser,” Doug Larson, from the real estate firm Newmark, is dragged into a courtroom. Ah, nothing like the smell of a lawsuit to kickstart your day.
According to Trump Organization documents, Larson was credited with appraising properties like 40 Wall Street, Trump Tower, and Niketown. No, Niketown isn’t a mythical place where everyone wears Nike and says “Just Do It” as a common greeting, it’s a retail space adjoining Trump Tower. But here comes the plot twist – it turns out Larson didn’t appraise any of these properties. Cue the gasps.
This courtroom drama only gets more interesting. In an episode worthy of a primetime slot, Larson denies ever doing the appraisal work under the state attorney Mark Ladov’s questioning. Ladov, with the tenacity of a reporter chasing a Pulitzer-worthy story, asks the million-dollar (or rather $526 million) question. Did Larson, perchance, value Trump Tower at a humble $526 million? Larson’s answer? Nope.
Not quite the response Ladov was hoping for, but wait! There’s more. Ladov, fueled by the audacity of hope, presents Larson with a follow-up question. Was Larson aware that Mr. McConney was citing him as a valuation source in his work papers? Larson’s reply? A resounding negative.
If this isn’t popcorn-worthy drama, we don’t know what is. It’s as if the attorneys forgot to prep themselves for this “surprise testimony,” or perhaps there simply was no objection that could be made. The silence from Trump’s legal team is deafening.
So, the next time you see a man in a blue suit and red tie, tossing a baseball in front of a backdrop of trees, just remember – not all appraisers appraise, and not all billionaires are appraised. But we can all agree, life in the Big Apple is never dull. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to find out what Niketown is really like. Is there a sneaker-shaped bus, perhaps?