Orcas 2: The Search for Bezos’s Gold


Our based Orca comrades have resumed their war on the rich of the high seas. Let’s celebrate.

It seems like the orcas have finally gotten fed up with us hogging all the fun at sea. In a series of events that has sailors and boaters checking their insurance policies, these black-and-white behemoths of the deep have decided to play bumper boats with anything that floats!

Now, before you think it’s time to call in Aquaman for a sea-creature intervention, let’s dive into the splashy details of these nautical negotiations.

First off, let’s get one thing straight: orcas are known as the “wolves of the sea,” and just like their fluffy counterparts, they’re highly intelligent and social animals. But unlike wolves, orcas don’t howl at the moon—they sing whale karaoke and, apparently, organize synchronized swimming attacks on boats. Who knew?

Reports have been bubbling up from the briny depths about orcas off the coast of Spain and Portugal playing tag with boats—and not in a cute, “SeaWorld show” kind of way. It’s more of a “Surprise! Let’s see if your rudder tastes as good as it looks” kind of way.

Mariners have shared tales of orcas striking the stern, nibbling on rudders, and generally causing a ruckus. Some say it’s revenge for all the noisy boat parties, while others think they’re just trying to invent a new game called “Whale of Fortune.” The prize? Your peace of mind—and maybe a piece of your boat.

But what’s really going on in those orca minds? Are they plotting a takeover of the high seas, or are they just fed up with their oceanic digs being turned into a marine superhighway? It’s hard to say, but one thing’s for certain: orcas have made a splash in the maritime news, and they’re not even trying to sell us oceanfront property.

So what’s a boat owner to do? Well, you could try politely asking the orcas to play nice, but something tells me they didn’t get to be apex predators by following polite suggestions. Or perhaps it’s time to invest in an orca-proof boat. I’m thinking of something with a bit of bling—maybe some shiny propellers to dazzle and confuse our cetacean friends?

In the end, maybe these orcas are just reminding us that the ocean is their turf, and we’re just visitors. So next time you set sail, remember to bring your manners, your sense of humor, and maybe a decoy boat or two—just in case the orcas want to play.

Until then, keep a watchful eye on the horizon, and if you see a fin in the distance, don’t panic. It’s probably just the orcas coming to remind you that in the game of boats and whales, they’ve got the home-sea advantage!

Orcas 2: The Search for Bezos’s Gold
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