Snake Bites Man: A Response to Chris Larson

A cartoon snake in the garden of Eden, wrapped around an apple tree. Apples litter the ground.

So recently, the Dakota Scout featured a guest column by Chris Larson, “A snake in the garden.” It appears anyone tuning into this podcast might be part of Larson’s metaphorical snake pit. For an entertaining breakdown of conservative boomer thoughts—apparently with a side of lead poisoning—look no further.

“Normies think Alex Jones is a kook, and Anthony Fauci is a well-meaning health expert.” Cue the eye-roll for those “Tax Payer” bio badges signaling the onset of an epic rant.

Here’s a bite-sized rundown of my gripes with Larson’s piece, complete with links to informed counterarguments for your fact-checking pleasure:

Larson splits humanity into “Normies” and “non-Normies.” This dude really needs cutesy labels to navigate the internet. It’s an oversimplification that misses the rich tapestry of diverse thought. I must’ve skipped that Bible verse preaching the virtue of condescension. Speaking of which, Larson’s “Christian” podcast recently equated children with pets, missing the historical mark [insert link to scholarly article on ancient family dynamics]. It seems there’s no era too archaic for those yearning for the ‘good ol’ days’.

The opener of his column sets the stage for a fantastical mental journey: “Normies think Alex Jones is a kook, and Anthony Fauci is a well-meaning health expert.” Let’s just say, the fan club for Alex Jones is… particular.

Larson’s claim that “Marxists have captured every institution” crumbles without proof [insert link to analysis of current political institutions]. His understanding of Marxism might be as accurate as a Lenin zombie apocalypse.

Oh, Larson revels in ad hominem glory, calling Lee Schoenbeck “King of the Swamp,” evoking shades of Chuck Schumer and Liz Cheney. Ever wonder how he’d respond to such flattering comparisons?

Diving into Larson’s biblical allegory where he likens modern politics to Adam and Eve’s narrative, his logic stretches thinner than a serpent’s waistline. His take on the Pierre legislative session also falls flat without specific examples of harmful legislation, nor does he propose solutions

Larson’s alternative terms, “ex-Normies” and “Awake Mode,” are almost endearing for their attempt to dodge the term “woke”—seems the LGBTQ+ community already called dibs on that one.

Wrapping up, “Are You a Normie?” is less a political commentary and more a peek into a dystopian MAGA mindset—where substance is scarce, and scapegoats aplenty. You might say Larson’s column is less snake in the grass and more ostrich with its head in the sand.

Snake Bites Man: A Response to Chris Larson

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